Malingerer

Shay Sheridan

Naruto: Kakashi/Iruka comment drabble, for The Hoyden


"What's all this?"

"I'm dying," Kakashi moaned softly. "I think."

"You wha'?" Iruka stared at the limp form sprawled across the unmade bed. "What's wrong with you?"

"My jutsu might be broken."

"Ehhh?" Iruka scratched at the thin scar across his nose. "How does one 'break' one's jutsu?"

"Don't know."

"Your hands don't work?"

"Nah." Kakashi flung an arm over his eyes, which had the result of covering his face almost completely. Iruka thought, not for the first time, that it was bizarre how Kakashi would sleep naked but still wear a mask. "My hands are fine." Kakashi flexed the hand not busy obscuring his countenance. "It's not that."

The bed creaked as Iruka sat down heavily next to him. Really; Kakashi was such a skinflint, in addition to being a hypochondriac. He could afford a new bed, that was for certain. Maybe he should get a futon so it wouldn't squeak every time they -- Iruka blushed, which annoyed him. "What is it, then," he asked with mounting impatience, "your sharingan is out of whack?" All right, he allowed grudgingly, I suppose that would be troubling.

"Don't think so."

"Did something happen on your mission?"

"Uh-uh."

"Are you wounded?"

"No." Kakashi sighed again, rolled over so his head nestled in Iruka's lap. "I'm just...off."

Well, there's an understatement for the ages. "You know, I fucking hate playing twenty questions with you every time you feel a little 'off.' Tell me what's wrong or I'm leaving and you won't have anyone to complain to but the cat."

"Can't," Kakashi said woefully. "Cat left an hour ago."

"Look, you pitiful excuse for a ninja," growled Iruka. "What the hell is wrong with you?"

"Eyes..."

"Yes?"

"Watering. Nose..."

"Yes?"

"Stuffed. Throat..."

"Scratchy?"

"Why yes!"Kakashi smiled brightly -- at least Iruka took it as a bright smile, by how the corners of the jounin's eyes lifted. "How did you know?"

Iruka rolled his own eyes heavenward. "You? Are an idiot."

"Hey! How can you say that to a dying man?"

"You're not dying," Iruka sighed. "You have a cold. A silly, tiny, completely insignificant cold."

Kakashi opened his blue eye wide. "People die of colds, you know."

"Not today they won't." Tenderly Iruku pulled back Kakashi's mask -- and really, was it any wonder Kakashi felt ill smothering his stuffy nose behind a mask? "Here; I'll fix you up." He leaned down and planted a kiss on the pale lips beneath. "Better?"

"Infinitely."

"Good." Abruptly Iruka stood up. "Then I'll go get Naruto to bring you some tea."

"Naruto? But I wanted--"

"Meanwhile, put on some pajamas -- I don't want the poor boy to be shocked to death. Besides, that's probably why you got sick in the first place, sleeping naked in a draft."

"You could keep me warm."

"Gotta go."

"Whaaaaaat?" Kakashi rose to his knees. "Irukaaaaaahhh! You're not staying? You're not going to comfort me any more?"

"Certainly not." Iruka crossed to the door. "I don't want to catch your cold." He turned, smiling wickedly. "People die of colds, you know."



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